Get your partner on the same money page

While our Money Makeover candidates enter the challenge in their own  capacity, it takes family support to make it through the challenge.  It is exceedingly difficult to get your finances in order if you do not  have your partner and family on board, writes Maya Fisher-French.

For newly-wed Stephan, working with his adviser Zettie Everson has been an opportunity for him and his wife to implement financial discipline early on in their married life. However, for our longer-married candidates, some unconscious money habits have become entrenched. Their Money Makeover journey has helped them create a platform to talk about their financial goals, identify shared values and work together as a couple to achieve them.

UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER

The couples used a questionnaire to identify their money attitudes and goals to help start the money conversation. We bring a great deal of baggage into our relationships, and this includes our money beliefs and fears, which are often formed when growing up and are lessons we have internalised.

Audrey realised that financial stability was more important to her than it was to her husband.

It helped Michael to understand Audrey’s fears and how working together on their financial goals brought her a sense of security.

Lwandile and his wife Khantse found that, despite having different family backgrounds, in both their families money was never spoken about, and certainly not to them as children.

“I found it insightful that Khantse’s attitude towards money stems from a vow she made when growing up. She became so turned off from hearing her parents’ standard response that they had no money, that she decided to stay away from debt,” says Lwandile, who explains that Khantse recognised that debt was a large contributor to the family’s lack of money, even after payday.

One’s money personality can affect these money messages received as children. For a different personality, a parent’s comment that they had no money for the things she wanted could have resulted in her taking on debt as an adult to “feed” that young child who felt deprived. We need to understand both the trigger and our response to it.

In having these conversations, a couple may even find something they feel they lost along the way – like focusing too much on austerity and not enough on enjoying life.

Lwandile has raised these insights in conversations with his friends.

“This is something that we both realised is generally not done – not only from our historical and cultural backgrounds, but also among our peers. There would be so much mutual value and appreciation derived from these discussions.”